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Help me
SWF, 30, seeks SWM that shares fear of being found dead in apartment, alone. Dinner at a diner, then who knows? Please. 71239
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Semper Fi.
SWM Not much to say about me. Former marine, just got back from Iraq. USA!!! Recently lost a lot of weight, due to an IED. Ideally, I'm looking for someone to share in protracted bouts of inexplicable, unpredictable crying. 86120
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Let's Do Something
SWM looking for SF-I'm not into playing games, but if you are, I'll suck it up and play games. Looking for an honest girl, but liars are fine too. Prefer non-smokers, but I can handle secondhand smoke no problem. Please date me. 42133
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Looking for an Oscar date
SWM, 52, looking for lucky lady to treat to a night of Hollywood magic. I will pay for airfare, hotel, dining, etc. I am nominated for Achievement in Sound Mixing. 20589
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Looking for love
SWF seeks romantic moonlit walks, candlelit dinners, dancing and adventure. Would like to try these hobbies with another person. 82453
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Let's make a future together
Female, 60 seeks beneficiary for will. Must enjoy moderate 401K plan, liquidating assets, and delivering heartfelt eulogies. 82341
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Get to know the real me
Bereft SWF looking for that special someone to support me at my mom's funeral this weekend in Charlottesville, VA. Gas money greatly appreciated. 99042
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On the brink of forever
Fun-loving SBM who's giving dating one last shot before resigning himself to that dark place in the deepest recesses of his soul. Likes movies. 71427
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Have it all
Recently widowed SWM looking for auburn-haired Italian-Portuguese woman, 36-38, roughly 5'4". If match is made, fully stocked wardrobe, jewelry, and half bottle of Chanel will be provided. Must answer to "Sonya." 62058
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Active and attractive
SWM, 30s, brown/brown, 5' 10", seeking sincere, nonsmoker with a sense of humor whose interests include cycling, snow skiing, foreign film, salsa dancing, and travel. Or just someone who won't hit me. 90553
Thursday, February 15, 2007
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From the Onion
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